Alternative Voting System Will Disenfranchise The Thick, Say Opponents

She can't even count her own kids, for god's sake

The ‘NO To AV’ campaign claimed today that, if introduced, the new voting system would effectively disenfranchise poor people - pointing out that they are all as thick as two short planks, and would almost certainly spoil their ballots by drawing leaking penises on them out of sheer mindless frustration.

“The poor are complete and utter fuckwits,” explained Joan Ryan, deputy director of the campaign. “They must be, or they wouldn’t be poor. There’s no way that your typical council-estate fucktard could possibly grasp the complex abstraction of putting a 1 by their first choice, a 2 by their second and so forth, because none of them can count that far.”

“Look at what happened in Australia, where they have AV,” she went on. “Last year they spoiled over five times as many ballot papers as we did. Now, we all know Australians are notoriously ignorant - but are they as pig-headedly and belligerently dense as the typical British chav? At least the Australians have got the sense to wear sunscreen.”

"This isn't us being patronising or talking down to people,” she added. “This is a fact and it is a very real concern. Many of the people who count votes up and down the land are well past retirement age, and the sudden sight of a crudely-pencilled phallus could well lead to fatalities.”