Tuesday, 22 March 2011

UN Forces ‘Have No Mandate’ To Topple Kill-Crazy Defence Secretary

Colonel Muammar Gaddafi confirmed today that UN Resolution 1973 makes no provision for the removal by military means of the despicable madman Dr Liam Fox, despite the increasingly bloodthirsty threats made by the hated British defence secretary in recent days.

“Whilst I have every sympathy for the rebels in Britain who are struggling to overthrow their despotic leaders, unfortunately no mandate exists to specifically target this unstable and increasingly isolated madman,” explained Libya’s embattled leader. “That is a sovereign matter which the British people must deal with themselves.”

Every night Dr Fox has the same dream
Earlier, the swivel-eyed Dr Fox had appeared to overstep the mandate of the UN operation, suggesting that RAF Tornado fighter-bombers could be used to assassinate Col. Gaddafi.

“Unfortunately it appears that the idea that came to me whilst playing with my toys in the bath may not be entirely in keeping with international law, dammit,” the defence secretary later told reporters in his tinfoil-lined war bunker. “However, the extremely limited intelligence available to me strongly indicates that Colonel Gaddafi’s khazi is the tactical nerve centre where all his rebel-crushing battle plans are formulated. I have therefore issued orders to Squadron Leader ‘Biggles’ Bigglesworth in Italy, instructing him to bomb up his crate with toilet-busters, potter about in the general vicinity of Tripoli and, if the opportunity arises, follow his nose.”

“If Colonel Gaddafi should have the misfortune to be in residence when his khazi is blasted to kingdom come, that would of course be nothing more than one of the hazards of war,” he added with a smile.

Asked whether Sqn Ldr Bigglesworth was under orders to refrain from releasing his deadly payload if he found the target protected by a human shield, Dr Fox cackled insanely and promised that, to anyone in close proximity to Col. Gaddafi’s bowel movements, being blown to smithereens would be a merciful release.

No comments: