|Parking probably won't be a problem|
The Budget also released councils from their statutory duty of saving people from living in shitholes.
“Jolly good, that’s the housing crisis sorted,” beamed Mr Osborne, looking supremely pleased with himself as usual.
“All over the country, councils are up to their necks in unleasable small business units on out-of-the-way industrial estates,” explained a spokesman for the Town and Country Planning Association, as he nailed a ‘For Sale: Excellent Potential For Social Housing’ sign to the association’s elegant SW1 headquarters. “Now that industrial premises can be flogged off to the usual suspects for conversion to rabbit hutches, expect to see Sky dishes and tacky prefab conservatories sprouting up all over those hideous conglomerations of leaky tin shacks in the next few months.”
“And I’m sure the upper galleries of Britain’s forgotten coal mines would benefit greatly from a couple of judiciously-placed partition walls and the application of a few rolls of B&Q wallpaper,” he added. “No need to go to the bother of connecting them to the water mains, either – there’s a plentiful supply in the lower levels.”