BBC Decides Making TV Programmes Is Far Too Much Like Hard Work

Jesus, make it stop

BBC director general Mark Thompson complained today that making television programmes is awfully hard - and jolly expensive too.

In an internal review, BBC staff suggested that the BBC could save £150m a year – and a considerable amount of effort – if it simply stopped showing programmes between 10.35pm and 6am.

“Obviously that's one theoretical possibility, or you might do something else, you might put something else on – my money would be on those marvellous shopping channels, or a few of Richard Desmond’s raddled old hags writhing about with a telephone,” said the D-G. “In a sense, it's more of a question it seems to me of how much money, how much of the licence fee, should you direct to this part of the schedule given the people available to view? After all, everybody should be in bed, safely tucked up in bed by half past ten. I know I am.”

“The big advantage is that, if we stopped showing naughty swearing comedians, films with horrid guns and nasty scary monsters in them, signed programmes for the deaf and all that nonsense we could spend even more money on dear old Bruce Forsyth,” he added warmly. “Or we could make six episodes of a costume drama every year and repeat it three times a night, every day of the week.”

“It’s all about viewer choice here at the BBC,” he beamed. “Goodness me, is that the time, is it that time already? I mustn’t miss my afternoon nap.”