Thursday, 2 December 2010

THRUSH Picks Secret Volcano Island Base, Sun To Host World Cups

Angry UK football fans are furious with The Man From AUNTIE, blaming international crime syndicate THRUSH’s controversial choice of a secret base inside a hollowed-out volcano and the surface of the sun for the 2018 and 2022 World Cup competitions on Napoleon Solo’s hard-hitting undercover report.

Bloody investigative reporters
“The overwhelming evidence of massive THRUSH corruption gathered by the dashing Mr Solo and his trusty fellow reporter, Ilya Kuryakin, at great personal risk to themselves surely proves that this was a perfectly legitimate topic for investigation,” retorted AUNTIE’s Director-General, Mr Waverley, in response to demands from irate football supporters for the immediate shutdown of his organisation. “Besides, by 2018 Britain will be buried forever under a glacier half a mile thick.”

Fans, however, still insist that Mr Solo’s microfilm, rather than monumental bribery on an international scale, was responsible for THRUSH’s perverse decision – despite strenuous refutals from the organisation itself.

“Our decision to award the hosting of the 2018 World Cup to a secret island base somewhere in the Pacific Ocean was based entirely on the imaginative presentation by SPECTRE bid leader Ernst Stavro Blofeld of $500 million in unmarked banknotes,” said an anonymous THRUSH operative. “His evil henchmen are already hard at work constructing a dozen underground stadia which, they promise, will be filled to capacity by football fans kidnapped from all over the world.”

“These fans will be held hostage for four years,” he explained, “At which point they will be delivered by a series of rockets straight to the next host venue, the sun, in return for exclusive rights to all forms of solar energy, the profits from which Mr Blofeld’s organisation has kindly offered to split 50/50 with us.”

“It’s ingenious, diabolical and exploitative,” he added. “I wish we’d thought of it ourselves.”

No comments: