Wednesday, 1 December 2010

Ragnarok Is Upon Us, Declares BBC

Delayed air travellers have expressed some disappointment
The dreaded Fimbulwinter has begun, according to the BBC, and the final apocalyptic battle of Ragnarok will soon claim the lives of the Norse gods, resulting in a cataclysmic flood which will cover the entire face of the earth.

“Snow is coming in from all directions,” reported George Alagiah from the frozen wasteland of Liverpool Lime Street station. “Brothers are already killing brothers here.”

Meanwhile, over on BBC News Channel, Gavin Esler reported that conditions were harsh at Gatwick airport, with whoredom rife - while Huw Edwards told cowering viewers that, with many school gates remaining shut for another day, sisters’ children were defiling kinship all across the north and east of the country.

On the BBC Breakfast couch this morning was leading Norse god Odin, who told Bill Turnbull and Kate Silverton he was really excited about his forthcoming role in the end of all things.

“It’s non-stop hero action from start to finish,” he gushed. “By the end, I’m dead and so are Thor, Tyr, Freyr and Heimdall. But, of course, there’s a happy ending of sorts, because the world will be reborn.”

“I really enjoy playing the villain,” smiled Loki, his co-star in the legendary epic. “Up to now it’s all been friendly banter, but at last the gloves are coming off. By the time I cash in my chips in the final scene, only two people are left alive to repopulate a new, fertile world.”

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