Mick Hucknall Apologises To Millions Of Imaginary Women He Slept With

Who wouldn't?

Ginger potato man Mick Hucknall today issued a heartfelt apology to the millions of imaginary women he insists he pleasured in the 80s.

“Between 1985 and 1987, I would - you know - do it with about three ladies a day, every day,” the Simply Red singer told a heroically straight-faced Guardian reporter. “Not at the same time, obviously, because that’s a bit naughty.”

“A red-headed man is not generally considered to be a sexual icon,” he admitted, “But the sight of my carroty pubes and little pink willy drove them wild, I tell you. They’d show me their lady parts and everything, and after I cried and and told them I was an unwanted ginger child they’d eventually take pity on me and let me put it up them.”

“They know who they are,” he replied defensively, when his struggling interviewer finally let out a snigger and asked if he could maybe recall the name of one of his mystery legion of blind, philanthropic nymphomaniacs.