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| They'll be banning the Gospel next |
“In spite of having contributed so much to our civilisation and providing its foundation, the Daily Mail is in danger of being stealthily and subtly brushed aside,” he shouted at arriving MPs outside parliament. “The cards that used to carry Christmas wishes now say 'Season's Greetings'. It’s something to do with the EU, apparently. The local school nativity play has parts reserved for immigrant children, or disappears altogether and is replaced by readings from the Koran about stoning women. The local council switches on 'winter lights' in place of Christmas decorations. Bin men are routinely sacked for wishing each other a Merry Christmas. It’s true, I read it somewhere."
“The three wise men are considered sexist and patriarchal by social workers, they’ll take your kids into care if you breathe a word about them,” he fumed, angrily waving a crozier at foreign-looking taxi drivers as they passed. “Nobody is allowed to play the back end of the donkey in the stable - some jobsworth or other says it’s ‘traumatic’ – and the Virgin Mary has to wear a niqab. Council snoopers evict tenants if they catch them trying to sneak a turkey into their flats.”
"I am proud of our tradition of intolerance and our historic commitment to blaming the stranger,” he shouted at a passing bus. "Yet what many people don't realise is that it is faith in the Daily Mail that underpins these great strengths and that has enriched our nation in so many other ways - like fearlessly allowing the blessed Melanie Phillips to preach the shocking truth about witches, who are the greatest threat to civilisation this glorious nation has ever faced. Yes, laugh if you like, but don’t come crying to me when they come to sacrifice your children.”
“I could go on,” he added, “And believe me, I will.”
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