Conspiracy Theorists Experience World’s Largest Simultaneous Orgasm

Abba have been warning people about Sweden since 1974

Within seconds of hearing Wikileaks' Julian Assange claim “there is a threat to my life,” millions of free-thinkers whose understanding has transcended the narrow limitations of the left brain - or ‘conspiracy nutters’ as they are known to scientists, and everybody else – were left panting and lighting up cigarettes after experiencing an unprecedented mass commotion in their bacofoil undercrackers.

After hastily changing their undergarments in the kitchen, the rabid community lost no time in identifying the shadowy organisations who would wish swift death upon the prophet who heroically revealed all kinds of happening shit to a horrified world.

“Of course, what six billion blind sheep simply refuse to recognise is that the Bilderberg Group is obviously using its hold over the 9-dimensional aliens to push the EU superstate towards an agreement with Rupert Murdoch and the Illuminati, which would force the BBC into giving the Elders of Zion free rein to talk Common Purpose into ordering Big Pharma to deceive the Swedish prosecutor into bludgeoning Julian Assange to death with Tom Cruise’s crystal pyramid in 2012,” blogged a typical self-polluting truthseeker, who was immediately congratulated by his barmy associates for his clear presentation of the reality behind the propaganda, apart from getting it all back to front.

Meanwhile, David Icke is strenuously denying rumours that he has paid a top hitman to take out the brave Wikileaks hero for stealing his act.