Chav Tells Topshop Tax Protesters To Stop Eyeing Up Her Fanny

Midgets have been suffering for years

A sit-in organised by UK Uncut turned ugly at the Oxford Street branch of Topshop today, when customer Sammi-Jo Bloggs loudly accused protesters of looking up her front bottom.

“We are occupying the floor of Topshop’s flagship store to draw Christmas shoppers’ attention to the tax-avoidance strategies of Sir Philip Green and his Arcadia Group,” said a shocked spokesman for the group. “Not to cop an eyeful of Miss Bloggs’ hideously self-inflicted attempt at a Brazilian. If she wants to keep her spotty fadge from prying eyes, perhaps she could have put some knickers on. Especially since her idea of wrapping up warm for the sub-Arctic weather seems to involve a skimpy Santa outfit, a bra at least two sizes too small for her and nothing else but a pair of four-inch heels.”

“I’ve seen sights today that nobody should see sober,” he moaned. “After this, Philip Green’s offshore wife is the least of my worries. I’ll be waking up screaming for years to come.”