|The XM-32 has been extensively field-tested|
“These BAe hats represent the cutting edge of mind-reading prevention technology,” wrote Dr Fox, in a Most Classified memo to Mr Cameron which he faxed to every newsroom in the country. “I have been wearing one since 1998, following the expert advice of my top military advisor, David Icke, and I can safely say that nobody on or off earth – including myself – has the faintest idea of what goes on inside my head.”
When editors rang the top secret hotline number listed in the memo to query the excessive cost of providing Bacofoil, Dr Fox responded: “All tenders for MoD contracts undergo rigorous scrutiny by leading experts in the fields of dowsing, alien forensics and numerology. BAe beat off highly competitive bids from Raytheon, Thales and Asda, incidentally providing work for up to 100,000 British workers, living and dead.”
“Although Asda provided the lowest competitive tender, at £3.50 per 30m roll,” he explained, “Their bid was automatically disqualified, because they are not on the list of preferred bidders for defence contracts.”
“Between you, me and the gatepost, the real reason for Asda’s exclusion is that their owner, Wal-Mart – the largest corporation in the world – is secretly run by the Illuminati,” he revealed conspiratorially, by flashing the message from a blimp tethered over central London.