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| Sorry lads, the divisional sock will still be empty |
“Nothing brightens a soldier’s day like seeing a Harrier jump-jet bouncing gaily about,” according to the leaked document, which claims that the issuing of Kerchiefs, Hand, L2A2 (White) by quartermasters has seen a fifty-fold increase since the publication of the Strategic Defence And Security Review, “And Jack Tar is not so jolly either, after being told that one of the shiny new floating playgrounds he was promised is going to be put away in the attic, still in its original packaging, and he’ll have to share the other with smelly French boys.”
“We’ve told our boys and girls that they’ll just have to be brave and make do with fewer toys,” commented distraught defence chief Sir David Richards. “I’ve tried to explain to them that new toys cost an awful lot of money, but they don’t really understand. It’s so hard when I see the tears welling up in their eyes. I want to give them all a big, big hug and tell them to write to Santa Fox telling him they’ve been good, but it’s just giving them false hope.”
Prime minister David Cameron has called the recent spate of leaks ‘worrying’, although defence correspondents are unable to ascertain whether he is referring to MoD documents or sniffling squaddies.
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