Horrified Dr Camerstein Vows To Track Down The Child-Threatening Monster He Created

A remorse-wracked David Camerstein has packed his belongings and taken passage on a ship heading into the frozen Arctic wastes, seeking to track down and destroy the hideous child-threatening monster he created with his impetuous and unnatural social experiments.

The unnatural monster has been driven off for now

The monster, health minister Anne Milton, was last seen terrorising five-year-olds in the rustic backwater of Scotland, leaping out from bushes and pigsties to snatch at their little bottles of milk. As angry Scots villagers gathered together with firebrands to chase the unholy creature away, the overbearing Dr Camerstein at last saw the folly of his ill-advised plan to raise a hideous travesty of human parts - which once, in life, was a caring nurse - aloft in a raging thunderstorm, bringing it back to the Department of Health in a bolt from the blue.

At daybreak a contrite Dr Camerstein took to his carriage with his misshapen assistant SteDor at the reins and sped away from the crumbling pile he inherited in Downing Street, urging the cowed people of Britain to remain in their hovels and stay calm as his coach-and-four rattled along the potholed highways on its way to the docks.

“Mrs Milton - may God grant peace to her tormented soul - was a nurse in her former existence, and in his arrogance Dr Camerstein convinced himself that restoring her dessicated corpse to Health would be of some benefit to mankind,” commented his bitter rival, Edward Balls. “Older, wiser heads tried to warn him of the dangers, pointing out that many of the older villagers still whisper tales of a dark past when a cruel Thatcher stalked the land, stealing the milk from children and casting a long shadow of fear and loathing until she was finally held at bay and dispatched by those who created her.”

“I take no pleasure in pointing out that, all too predictably, history is repeating itself,” he added. “Only Dr Camerstein can possibly reason with the shambling affront to The Almighty which he has unleashed upon the world. If reason fails - as I fear it must - then frankly the best thing would be for him to climb out onto an ice floe with the monstrous thing, the pair of them to disappear forever from the sight of men into the frozen, howling waste.”