Putin’s Revolutionary Singing Condemned By Human Rights Group

Amnesty International has asked Russian prime minister Vladimir Putin not to sing any more stirring Soviet-era songs to the ten sleeper agents deported from the United States, claiming they have suffered enough without being subjected to cruel and unusual punishment.

Mr Putin told reporters he had met the spies - who are being debriefed by the SVR, Russia’s foreign intelligence service - and urged them to join him in rousing choruses of such catchy comintern classics as ‘Advance, O Little Red Tractor’, ‘Let’s Go-Go To The Gulag’ and ‘Counter-Revolutionaries Stole My Bread Ration (But Stalin Has Stolen My Heart)’.

“I’m not joking. I am serious,” he explained. “That is what makes me so intimidating. Just like when I shot a tiger, or rode around bare-chested on a horse. As chapter 5 of my beloved KGB Training Manual says: ‘Do random mad stuff. It really freaks the capitalists out.’”

“Isn’t it enough that these pathetic amateurs have been ejected from the modern world and sent back to a vast broken-down toilet run by thieves?” begged an Amnesty spokesman. “Anna Chapman will never see a decent hair stylist again. Surely that’s punishment enough?”