Sky Announces Plan To Put You Inside A Television

With the launch of its much-trumpeted 3D-football-with-7.1-THX-surround-vuvuzelas channel now confirmed for October 1st, Sky has announced that it is now working on a surround-vision television that will encase you completely, further enhancing the realistic disappointment-of-seeing-your-team-lose-again experience.

The six-foot cube will feature not one, but six hideously expensive 3D screens, and the enclosed football addict will float freely in 1300 gallons of chilled lager, wearing a special 3D facemask connected to an air tank. It is expected to cost £3 million, plus £20000 a month in subscription fees – although £17,000 of that goes on replenishing the lager, which Sky bosses assure customers is a bonus really, if you think about it.

“It’s not cheap,” admitted one of Britain’s many football addicts, “But nothing should come between me and the beautiful game. Not the wife, not the kids, not the house - nothing.”

Fans who still do not have Rupert Murdoch beaming stupidity into their heads 24 hours a day have been advised that there may be another way to achieve the total right-there-on-the-pitch experience.

“We think it’s at least theoretically possible to form together into ‘clubs’, go to a sports shop, buy a ball and kick it around for 90 minutes,” said a clever man in a laboratory with a clipboard.