Touring the gloriously scenic unemployment blackspot tacked onto the arse end of the country, Tory leader David Cameron unveiled his plans to get everyone in Cornwall who is under 25 and unemployed - or, to put it more simply, everyone in Cornwall who is under 25 - into a college place if he becomes prime minister on Friday.
During his whistle-stop tour of the Liberal Democrat stronghold, the beaming prime ministerial hopeful also promised employers £2000 for every apprentice taken on.
Cornwall County Council's chief executive, Kevin Lavatory - since the unification of the local authority, the only person in the Duchy still earning a living wage - said he was tremendously excited by the possibility of every young jobless in Cornwall receiving valuable tuition in how to claim a lifetime of benefits from the rest of the population, who would be taken on as teaching apprentices by Cornwall Pretend College.
Speaking from under a special egg-proof umbrella, Mr Cameron told a marauding seagull: "Cornwall has a proud and ancient tradition of wrecking, which I hope to bring to the lives of Britain's unemployed."
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