Today sees the long-awaited release of the latest instalment in the popular 'Maddie' film franchise, featuring Britain's favourite luvvies, Kate and Gerry McCann.
'Madeleine 3: Here With Me' is set once more in the hyper-real CGI setting of Praia de Luz and charts the ongoing search for the only missing child in the world, as the camera-friendly parents reclaim the dark, depraved streets of Portugal from surly Hispanic thugs by fearlessly hurling poster after poster at them until they plead for mercy. And audiences will be reaching for their hankies and buckets during emotionally-fraught scenes of the McCanns talking politely on the telephone and browsing through their emails.
Undoubtedly, however, the star of the franchise is - as always - the computer-generated character of Maddie herself. The CGI rendition features state-of-the-art graphics providing realistic blue eyelids and an impressively-animated pink bow, and it is clear that teams of the industry's leading animators have pulled out all the stops to accurately model the tiny glittering reflections in each gold bead of Maddie's new necklace.
The film's moving theme song was provided by Dido, and is expected to top the charts as audiences flock to have their heartstrings pulled by this unashamedly old-fashioned weepie. The McCanns' army of faithful fans will be reassured to note that the disturbing moral ambiguity of going to the restaurant whilst leaving a small child unattended in an apartment - which, for some, marred previous episodes - has been smoothly airbrushed out of the timeline completely.
The critics have been united in their praise for the Oscar-tipped smash - largely for fear of being tarred and feathered by lynch-mobs of outraged Sun readers if they say a word against it.
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