Manish Pot, the Labour candidate for North West Norfolk who called Gordon Brown "the worst prime minister we have had in this country" and criticised the party over immigration, today received a parcel by express courier from 10 Downing Street, containing a shiny chrome-finished kettle.
Mr Pot gained instant notoriety across the country when he outlined his anti-Brown, anti-brown views in Lynn News, his local paper.
After opening the package and fainting dead away at the sight of his own reflection, a revived Mr Pot said he would like to clarify his thoughts, but explained that unfortunately his mouth seemed to be functioning independently from his brain.
"When I said 'Immigration has gone up which is creating friction in communities. The country is getting bigger and messier', you have to realise that I didn't realise at the time that I seem to have a long-dormant Asian gene, possibly picked up from the Crusades or some other distant historical event. But who doesn't?" explained Mr Pot. "Anyway, I would have thought it was abundantly clear from what I said that I was in fact referring solely to all these white bastards flocking in from Eastern Europe - many of whom have penises this short, which they will not hesitate to wave enticingly before the bewitched eyes of our lovely flaxen-haired English roses."
Mr Pot's mother Manjula then arrived to give her son a good telling-off. However, he ran away screaming, "Who is this unspeakable foreign woman? I have never seen mum before in my entire life."
"Regarding what I said about Gordon Brown, I stand by my words," he added later, after long-suffering local party officers found Mr Pot hiding in the stationery cupboard, painting himself with Tipp-Ex. "Although I now suspect that I may myself be the worst candidate we have ever had in North West Norfolk."
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