The public is being urged to boycott the film Four Lions, which is released tomorrow, amid claims that it portrays evil, twisted humorists as human beings.
"This sick travesty can only give succour to humorists everywhere," ranted the father of one tragic humour victim who died laughing five years ago. "Humorists are not people. They are vicious animals who should be hunted down without mercy by the security forces."
The film is the latest affront to decent folk to be perpetrated by the elusive humorist leader Chris Morris, who has been a fugitive ever since his unprovoked Brass Eye Special in 2001 - a tragic event which will be remembered forever as 26/7 -
caused a massive paedophilia explosion which scarred the minds of millions, outraging many who hadn't even seen it with their own eyes.
"Make no mistake. We are in the midst of a war on humour," said a spokesman for the tabloid media, which operates as the de facto government of the United Kingdom during elections, as well as before and after them. "An extreme humour warning has been issued to cope with this latest offensive. We must not flinch from our solemn duty until every last humorist has been neutralised."
In another shocking humour attack, lads' mag Zoo begged forgiveness for a sick item in which lovable cockney charmer Danny Dyer was used as a human shield for a twisted exhortation calling for angry young lads to rise up and strike a blow against their girlfriends in the name of humour.
Other offensive acts of humour include:
Dad's Army: a perverted trivialisation of a bloody war in which hundreds of thousands of decent British people and a few others lost their lives, and a cynical insult to those ill-equipped but unquestionably brave heroes who proudly wear the uniform of the British Army;
Only Fools And Horses: a subtle attack on civilised values, in which petty criminal scum are raised to iconic status while the brave upholders of law and order in our great capital are depicted as thuggish, overbearing dimwits;
The Vicar of Dibley: a sustained assault on Christianity, the very bastion of hope for those who long for a humour-free world;
The Young Ones: a thinly-disguised recruiting drive for humorists, which single-handedly led to a massive swelling of the ranks of crazed students who sit around arguing instead of going to lectures;
The Good Life: an overt denial of the values which the western world holds dear.
"There is no room for complacency," thundered the purple-faced tabloid spokesman. "Humorists walk among us today. Take a close look at the person next to you. Do they look a bit funny? Report them to the police. Britain will not be safe until the evil cancer of humour is excised forever from our shores."
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