As voters in the Irish Republic flock to the polls to say whether they would prefer to be ruled by a gang of corrupt European thieves rather than the home-grown variety, Tony Blair is maintaining an enigmatic silence over media speculation that he is to be handed the job of Supreme Ruler of Europe on a plate.
"The last time the Irish electorate was allowed to accept the wonderful Lisbon Treaty, the silly sods voted 'no' instead of 'yes'," said an European official with a blank mask of skin where a face should be. "This time the ballot paper has been simplified. Voters can vote 'right' or 'wrong' - 'right' meaning they want the treaty and 'wrong' meaning they realise they made a ghastly mistake last time they voted."
Tony Blair, meanwhile, will also be offered the opportunity to vote on whether he wants to be made President of Europe, with expanded, wide-ranging powers whose exact nature is buried so deep within the 30 million pages of the Lisbon treaty that several teams of researchers have been reported lost without trace.
It is thought that, despite earning millions a year telling two international banking conglomerates that labour costs in the developing world are attractively cheap, reaping a fortune on the US lecture circuit by telling wealthy people whatever they want to hear and running a foundation which urges everyone to accept without question the absolute authority of a remote, all-powerful being over all aspects of their everyday lives, Mr Blair might be feeling a little nostalgic for the days when he could turn on the television and see his smug, beaming face spouting a never-ending stream of empty platitudes, morning, noon and night.
Cherie Blair, meanwhile, is said to be occupying her time in between well-rewarded court appearances by doodling designs for an imposing costume on the back of legal documents - often including such understated elements as croziers, shiny black uniforms, gold-embroidered robes and jewel-encrusted crowns.
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