A baby has become Britain's youngest dad at the age of two months, after impregnating his twin sister while still in his mother's womb.
"Young Jossyouwere is like rilly mature friz age an' will make an ace farva an' shit innit," insisted proud 13-year-old grandfather Coady-Leee. "Fruh start, right, 'e juss luvs playin' wiv 'is toys, so 'e'll be spendin' loadsa quality time like wiv da nippa when it evenchooly gits artuv its ventilator yeh?"
The proud parents are thought to have formed their relationship whilst developing in their 16-year-old mother's amniotic fluid, with doctors noticing the two foetuses energetically experimenting with sex during ultrasound scans.
"Lookit this bit 'ere," laughed Coady-Leee as he loaded a DVD into his Playstation. "E's 'avin' a blow-job orf 'is sista, the dirty litto sod! Them older birds is proppa gaggin' frit, jenotamean? Cor, the expression on 'is uggaly litto face, eh? 'E's gunna piss 'isself wun day wen 'e seez us passin' it round us mates on me moby."
"Oy, yer randy litto bastud, I wornjer befaw 'bout starin' at yer muvver's tits din I? I got a knife 'ere innit," he added.
Meanwhile, the 75-gram infant has not been given a name yet, as nursing staff say it will be several weeks before the eyeless thing develops any visible signs of whether it is a boy or a girl.
"We's finkin' uv waiting till its mum an' dad learn to tork proppa, then they kin choose a name theirselves," said Coady-Leee, "Though I reckon Docta Oo ud be pretty wikkid."
The thumbnail-sized foetus is the doyen of the nursing staff in the Intensive Not-Expected-To-Live Ward of St Billy-Bob's Hospital, where it is already said to be leaning out of its ventilator and squeaking incomprehensible gibberish whenever anyone passes by.
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