Speaking through his arse, Tesco chief executive Sir Terry Leahy admitted today that, while he may be very good at sitting back with his feet up on his executive desk as he watches profits piling up as a result of gradually raising the price of essential foodstuffs, when it comes to his other job of advising the government on education issues he is about as much use as a triangular wheel on a unicycle.
The unexpectedly frank confession occurred about halfway through a speech to the Institute of Grocery Distribution. As Sir Terry was enthusiastically berating the illiterate, grunting dullards he employs for being thicker than fossilised dinosaur excrement, it suddenly dawned on him that, as a senior advisor to the Labour government on education policy, the poor standard of school leavers might in some way reflect badly on him.
Up until the moment of realisation, the captain of industry had been cheerfully outlining the "woefully low" standards in schools, which he blamed squarely on the government's policy of allowing too many agencies and bodies to interfere in the day-to-day running of schools.
"What kind of blithering fuckwit could possibly commend such a monumental balls-up of an education system to ministers?" he demanded, before pausing and turning red in the face.
"Bollocks," said the sheepish Sir Terry, as delegates coughed diplomatically to cover the embarrassing silence. "I wish I'd thought of this yesterday, while I was writing this little rant."
"Crikey," he concluded, after another pause for reflection. "If I wasn't wearing this expensive Ralph Lauren suit, you might be forgiven for thinking that I look like some kind of brainless twat."
No comments:
Post a Comment