Brown Puts UK On eBay

Gordon Brown has today taken the unprecedented step of putting the entire UK up for sale of eBay, it was announced today.

Separate listings cover the Army, Royal Navy and Royal Air Force, all of which have been given a starting bid of £0.01. Similarly enticing start prices have been set for the NHS, the nation's police forces, the Palace of Westminster (complete with a full set of decorative MPs and lords), the National Air Traffic Control Service and the motorway network.

The Royal Family, meanwhile, has been given a Buy It Now price of £10m. However, Mr Brown has indicated that he will accept a best offer, as long as it is higher than the reserve price - which Downing Street insiders suggest may not be unadjacent to £1000. The royal palaces are also for sale, along with the National Trust, for various attractive prices.

So far, Mr Brown's everything-must-go fire sale of the nation's few remaining assets has attracted little interest. Buyers are likely to be deterred by the prime minister's low feedback score, as he has no reputation as a seller and has only bought one item - the Labour Party. His refusal to deliver has also attracted criticism, as has his miserly decision to charge the buyers £7 per item for the privilege of coming to collect their purchases.

A potential cloud on Mr Brown's horizon is the risk of a complaint to eBay from the United States government, which may claim that it already owns the United Kingdom. Old Washington hands say that President Obama has got the White House staff hunting high and low for the receipt, which appears to have been mislaid by the previous incumbent.