Faced with the threat of potentially bankrupting legal action from the Equality and Human Rights Commission, British National Party führer Nick Angriff announced that he is seeking to change the racist party's constitution so that non-whites who are tired of living can choose to join its ranks.
"As a mark of good faith, I have already used my executive powers to rename the BNP the British Nigger-Loving Party," smiled Mr Angriff, hugging a cute little Asian baby for the cameras before dropping it in the trash compactor. "I have drafted a new constitution, in which wogs, chinks and nig-nogs will be granted membership of the party, where we look forward to standing round and cheering as they beat the living shit out of each other with crowbars for the entertainment of the superior white race."
The regulations concerning the party uniform of England t-shirt and cropped hair will also be relaxed to cater for ethnic sensibilities, said Mr Angriff.
"Wogs will be strenuously encouraged to wear loincloths and turbans as they serve char and operate the air-conditioning at party headquarters," he explained in conciliatory tones. "Darky members will be sporting denim dungarees with a straw hat and leg-irons, while our inscrutable contingent can dress like real human beings as long as they top off the ensemble with a conical hat and three-foot whiskers. You see, the white masters can be quite accommodating."
The new measures are being put before the party's rank-and-file members, who are said to be studying them intently in the hope that the funny black squiggly lines will mean something if they stare at them long enough.
The BNP's website has already been inundated with application enquiries from every member of every ethnic minority in Britain, who have worked out that eight million of them joining the BNP could make life quite interesting for the party's 10,000 current members.
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