In a touching mark of respect for their fellow bandmate, the remaining members of Boyzone - Ronan Keating, Thingummybob, Whatsisface and the other one - today accompanied the tragically dead Steven Gately into the afterlife.
Gately - the best-loved, prettiest mime artist ever to move his lips in front of a dummy microphone - met his tragically untimely end on Saturday due to entirely natural causes which had absolutely nothing whatosever to do with the extremely mild piss-up from which he had just returned.
His pretty bandmates flew out to Majorca last night, where they were movingly slaughtered and laid out side-by-side in matching caskets, prior to the tragically poignant flight back to Dublin - where they are to be buried tomorrow in a moving, tragic ceremony led by Ireland's foremost ex-teapot, Bertie Ahem, who is one of the world's foremost boy musicologists.
It is reported that, before they were lovingly and tragically put down, the grieving Boyzone members received identical tattoos. It has not been reported what the tragic tattoos represented, although 'Do not resuscitate' and 'Please dispose of plastic packaging thoughtfully' have been mentioned by music industry insiders as possibilities.
Back in Britain, Peter Kowalczyk - the man who punched Leona Lewis in the head at a book signing yesterday - has been unexpectedly released from custody, given a boxing glove and a horseshoe and put on a flight to Dublin, where music lovers are hoping he will do his level best to hospitalise numerous pretty pop luminaries as they line up tomorrow to pay their last respects to the tragically deceased Gately.
"Madonna could be a tough opponent, if she turns up," said someone with real flesh-and-blood ears. "She's like the Incredible Hulk from the neck down. Let's all hope and pray that Lily Allen is ahead of her in the queue."
Lewis' tragic fans, meanwhile, have been sectioned under the Mental Health Act.
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