Britain's leading intellectual, Tracey Emin, woke up briefly yesterday and texted the Sunday Times whilst taking a dump to say she would move to France in protest against the upper tax rate of 50%, if only it wasn't so fucking far away.
"i workt fackin ard rite 2 git 2 were i am 2day init," explained the nation's foremost artist. "i shagd me fany red ror 4 munce n got fru 6 or 7 majick marcas ritin me fukbudys on da tent wot git me notist orl them yers aggo me rist urt lik fuk 4 daze i telyer!!! then i ad 2 spen weaks rollin rand in bed, pissin orl ova it like n wen it wen on exerbishun rite sum cheaky chinky cant onely wen an maid it!!! nex i drored sum nekid wimin u cud tel it wus wimin cus they ad tits an flict sum maw drorins at a camra so it lookt like sum burd wankin it wuz orl abat luv init aw xxx"
After a nap, Ms Emin later remembered to send the second part of the text message, which read: "me acuntent bin rand 50% tax fak me??? im orf 2 frarns there like rilly inta ART and i wudnt arf 2 shav me armpits eva agin brilyunt!!! fack u godrun bran u facist CANT"
A spokesman for Eurostar later confirmed that the company had received an enquiry asking about times and fares to Paris, but added that when the caller asked if there was a discount for 'interlexul slebrities' and was told no, she was cut off by the call-centre operator after being warned about swearing.
Just before the paper went to press, a courier arrived with a package containing a fresh turd from Ms Emin's creative end, inscribed with the message "pannick ova me acuntents sawtid me a swiz bank acunt"
A spokesman for the leading creative thinker of her generation said that Ms Emin's considered verdicts on the economy, the political classes, Britain's ongoing involvement in Afghanistan, the 2012 Olympics and the shocking price of a packet of fags these days would be available to the media shortly, once she had finished digesting a curry and several pints of lager.
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