The raiders who got away with £40m in gems nine days ago cheated, say baffled New Scotland Yard detectives.
"Evenin' all. The 'ighly-horganised hexecution of this raid demonstrates the sneaky, under'anded use of forward plannin'," complained DCI Savage of the Yard. "This hindicates that the perpetrators is usin' some form of hintelligence, which puts us at bit of a disadvantage, frankly."
"F'rinstance, the hincident room was all 'igh fours - sixes - woteva when the CCTV footage came fru an' we saw the bad 'uns wun't even wearin' 'oodies to cover their faces," he explained. "We all fort we'd got the little toerags bang to rights. But when Commissioner Jong-Stephenson's 14-year-old nephew en'anced the himages in Paint Shop Pro, we realised we was looking for former prime minister Tony Blair and several lookalikes.
"Course, we put the finger on Blair - but it turns out 'e was at 'is bank in Lausanne at the time, countin' 'is legitimate loot, so they must of bin wearing rubber masks from aht a joke shop or sumfink. Though it could still be a team of lookalikes - we ain't rulin' nuffink aht."
"These 'ere clever buggers also wore suits, which 'elped them to blend in on Bond Street wivaht hattractin' hattention," he added furiously. "Cawse, that could be a complete coincidence - they may just of bin on their way to a weddin' an' decided, on the spur of the moment like, to do a jeweller's. If they'd only 'ad the decency to wear bright orange shell-suits, like the crims wot we're used to dealin' wiv, the uvver shoppers might of noticed 'em. You see the kind of hevil genius we're hup aginst?"
As the thieves' trail grows colder with every passing day, detectives admit they are baffled by the robbers' daring use of forethought.
"All we kin do now is keep a eye on the usual dodgy East End boozers an' car boot sales," said DCI Savage. "Sooner or later, these sparklers is bound to turn up. Stan's to reason, dunnit?"
"An' if for some reason that don't work," he added, "We'll just arrest a coupla Micks or local loonies an' pin it on them. 'ave no fear, guv - we halways comes up trumps hin the end."
No comments:
Post a Comment