Fair And Balanced Western Reporters Cover Growing Tide of Fury Among Tehran's Decent, Civilised Urbanites

The democracy-loving nations of the world watched with mounting glee as civil war threatened to engulf the streets of Iran, days after the rogue state's presidential election was blatantly and self-evidently rigged by the West-hating loony incumbent, Madmad Madmadinemad.

Crowds of Western journalists linked arms and marched up to law enforcement officials, demanding to be hit repeatedly with batons in front of their cameramen, as supporters of the slightly less barmy loser, Mir Hossein Mousavi, thronged the streets of Tehran claiming that the election was rigged.

"Tehran is a powder keg which could explode into telegenic scenes of mob violence," said a BBC reporter hopefully, giving the finger to a nearby policeman. "Everyone in the city who speaks English is saying that President Madmadinemad is so isolated and unpopular that even he didn't vote for himself. Come on, you stupid jumped-up wog, call yourself a copper? I took your mother up the arse and she begged for more, now crack me over the head like you mean it."

"The supporters of Mir Hossein Mousavi say he would have introduced a Western-style democracy, with full civil rights for everybody, within minutes of taking up the presidency which has been so blatantly stolen from him," announced a Channel 4 News correspondent. "He would have broken the mullahs' grip on power by forcing them to take part in a humiliating Big Brother-style reality show, replaced Iran's nuclear enrichment program with wind and wave energy schemes, joined the Eurovision network and allowed women to walk down the streets topless if they wanted to. Excuse me, officer, you have the penis of a tiny dog, would you tap me lightly on the head with your truncheon please?"

Reporters in the vast hinterlands of Iran, where the majority of the population live - and tend, as in Western nations, to be deeply conservative supporters of the status quo - were conspicuous by their absence, however.

"I'm not going out into the sticks, not on your bloody life," said an ITN journalist, wiping a small, but suitably bloody, lump on his forehead with a handkerchief. "First of all, there's a serious lack of decent hotels with adequate lavatory facilities, but mainly because that's where all those backward, Westerner-hating headcases live. Have you any idea how many of those crazy, Madmadinemad-loving bastards are out there? Bloody millions, I tell you."