Demonstrating an innovative approach to staff costs in the face of the ongoing recession, British Airways bosses have emailed the airline's 30,000-strong workforce with an invitation to enslave themselves voluntarily.
Staff are being urged to take anything from a week to a month - either as unpaid leave or, if they prefer, carrying out their usual duties for no pay.
"Dear colleague," goes the message, "You may have noticed the appalling losses we posted last month, which was due entirely to unforeseen factors beyond our control, such as cash-strapped corporate accounts departments becoming somewhat intolerant of their executives whooping it up in business class.
"In these challenging times, why not help British Airways return to profit by doing your job for NOTHING for a few weeks? Of course, you can opt to just sit on your arse, counting your toes, in return for no pay. But imagine the warm feeling you will experience as you dish out free champagne to our remaining fat-cat customers as they cash in their air miles, or when you're struggling with crosswinds as you try to avoid parking your crammed 737 in the sea at the end of Tenerife's notoriously short runway - knowing that YOU are doing your bit to give our suffering shareholders the dividends they deserve!
"We would like to reassure you that the generous donation of your labours will not go unnoticed later in the year, when we start dishing out the P45s."
Leading by example, chief executive Willie Walsh has kindly offered to work for nothing in July, hoping that the remaining £670,000 of his salary will somehow tide him over.
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