Senior Labour MPs are planning to cling onto their lavish salaries and expenses at the next general election by joining the Liberal Democrats, according to claims made by a confused pensioner.
Smelling of wee, the doddering Lord Ashdown stood in a street in rural Somerset and shouted his theories at passing motorists - many of whom honked their horns and waved their fingers at him in agreement.
Lord Ashdown's young carer, Nick Clegg, eventually found the former soldier and persuaded him to come and have a nice cup of tea at a nearby café.
"Poor old Paddy gets funny ideas into his head sometimes," explained an embarrassed Mr Clegg. "For years he thought he was one step away from being Prime Minister, despite being the leader of the Lib Dems. That's never going to happen in a million years, obviously, and it's also why no Labour MPs have been in touch with us. Frankly they'd be better off joining the Conservatives - they're the ones who win elections, after all. And, of course, they'd fit right in with - oh, God almighty, what's that awful stench?"
"I've produced another volume of my memoirs!" shouted Lord Ashdown.
"Come on, Paddy, let's get you cleaned up," sighed Mr Clegg, leading the soiled elder statesman off to the toilets.
No comments:
Post a Comment