Thanks to engineering works by Network Rail, the only train running this bank holiday weekend is a steam-hauled enthusiasts' excursion from London Victoria to Swanage in Dorset.
The one-off service celebrates the reopening of the Purbeck branch line, where volunteers on the Swanage Railway have spent years re-laying seven miles of track after the line was closed in 1972.
As the mighty Battle of Britain-class locomotive Tangmere thundered majestically westward, teams of Network Rail contractors feverishly ripped up the mainline track bed behind it as part of the traditional bank holiday plan to fuck up your weekend.
"It is essential that we rip up railway lines all over Britain on bank holiday weekends, check the rails for woodworm and put them back again," said a spokesman for publicly-owned Network Rail. "That way we can give the maximum amount of taxpayers' money to our subcontractors, to cover all the overtime we like to think they're paying their army of temps."
The train operating companies said they would be running rail replacement buses - their own rail replacement buses - over the weekend, enabling them to charge train fares for cramped, slow bus journeys. They would then be presenting Network Rail - i.e. the taxpayer - with the usual massive compensation claim for disruption to services, as their directors hadn't been to the Bahamas for nearly a month.
"If you want to enjoy trouble-free travel in Britain this weekend, come to Swanage," said a soot-covered spokesman for the heritage line. "But only if you happen to live pretty close to Norden Park & Ride, Corfe Castle, Harmans Cross or Herston Halt, obviously."
No comments:
Post a Comment