Cornwall has declared war on its neighbour, after a pasty made by Chunk of Devon beat its Cornish rivals to win the British Pie Awards.
A crack team of Cornish pirates swiftly seized control of the Torpoint Ferry and attempted to sail their prize down the coast to Falmouth, while the crew tried - unsuccessfully - to explain the limited navigability of chain ferries to their captors.
Another guerrilla unit took heavy casualties on Brunel's iconic Royal Albert Bridge as it tried to order the 0730 through service from Paddington to stand and deliver.
The bitter dispute is being fought over where to crimp the famous pastry bag full of leftovers the dog wouldn't eat. Traditional Cornish manufacturers insist that the crimp must be placed along the side of the pasty, not at the top, and nobody else cares.
"Tent furr," said a spokesman for the paramilitary wing of the Cornish Pasty Association. "Eym bugrz inna propurr paasty inum mianzum." Teams of expert linguists have so far been unsuccessful in their efforts to decode the message.
The organisation wants the Cornish pasty to be awarded Protected Geographic Indication as a food unique to the area. Non-Cornish producers agree that pasties made in their native county should have a special name, but suggest that a more appropriate designation for Cornwall's efforts would be 'inferior'.
Devon County Council, meanwhile, was taking a relaxed attitude to the outbreak of hostilities.
"We've got a naval dockyard, several Royal Marine barracks and the UK's commando training centre," explained council leader Brian Greenslade, calmly sipping a cream tea in the sunshine outside the Coaver Club at County Hall. "What have they got? Flambards Aero Park."
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