After six long years of hostilities, streets all over Britain witnessed chaotic scenes of revelry as the nation kicked up its heels today in a nationwide VI-Day celebration of the end of hostilities in Iraq.
As the last British troops formally pulled out of the defeated Middle Eastern nation, the cheering multitudes congregated outside Buckingham Palace. Eventually, to riotous cheers, a beaming Prime Minister Gordon Brown appeared on the balcony, acknowledged the gratitude of the entire country and declared the war against Iraq officially over.
"When I was asked to take over the reins of this great nation after my predecessor made a bit of a balls of it, I told you that all I had to offer was the blood, toil, tears and sweat of our armed forces," said Mr Brown. "I may be drunk, but in the morning I will be sober and our financial position will still be ugly."
For one day, boisterous revellers briefly forgot that the war against Afghanistan was yet to be won, with many observers fearing that the ferocity of the Afghan people could cost upwards of a million casualties. Mr Brown went on the radio to tell street parties up and down the country that he hoped to persuade the Americans that the best exit strategy might be to drop a couple of nuclear weapons on it and call it a resounding victory for the forces of freedom and democracy.
"But I don't want to put a damper on your big day," he continued. "Remember this: never has so much been owed by so many, and you'll be paying it back for generations."
The people showed their appreciation for the PM's inspired management of Britain's war effort by calling for elections in which they could unceremoniously dump him in a landslide.
"Actually, we don't even need an election," said one reveller in Trafalgar Square. "Find us a landslide, and we'll happily dump him in it."
"Sorry, yesterday was my last payday after being laid off, and I'm still drinking," he added. "I meant landfill."
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