Saturday, 14 March 2009

'What Do These Immigration Protesters Want?' Asks Puzzled Immigration Minister

The Immigration Minister, Phil Dumbas, was left mystified after video camera-carrying members of protest group Manchester No Borders entered his constituency office without an appointment, produced posters saying 'Abolish Immigration Prisons - Freedom of Movement For All' and began putting up stickers saying 'No To Immigration Controls'.

The stickers also called for 'More Pies For Dumbas' - a reference to his visit to Manchester University six months ago when he was hit by a custard pie thrown by the group, who called for the closure of all immigrant detention centres, and specifically Manchester Airport's Pennine House.

The minister - who was miraculously uninjured by any stickers during the entirely peaceful 25-minute ordeal - later told reporters that "the frustrating thing from my point of view was that they didn't tell me what they wanted."

"Perhaps they were making some kind of surrealist art-student film," continued Mr Dumbas, scratching his head in bafflement, and finding a sticker on the back of his neck bearing the message: 'Detaining immigrants without charge for an unlimited period, separating children from their families, denying them the right of appeal and forcibly deporting them to countries where they will be tortured and killed is an outrage against simple human decency. Do something about it, you smug bastard, in the name of humanity.'

" Please, won't somebody tell me what was it all about?" begged Mr Dumbas. "If only they'd left some kind of explanation."

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