Saturday, 14 March 2009

Expert Points To Face, Tells Teachers' Conference: 'This Is A Nose'

The self-esteem agenda now prevailing in Britain's schools is creating a generation of insufferable, self-centred arseholes who genuinely believe that the world exists solely for their personal benefit and gratification, the Association of School and College Leaders was warned today.

Dr Carol Craig told the conference that, thanks to a "big fashionable idea" imported from America, Britain's children were being over-praised into developing an 'all-about-me' mentality. She went on to say that teachers were faced with increasing complaints from parents if their darling little men and princesses failed a spelling test or did not get a leading part in the school panto.

Parents across the nation have responded with fury to Dr Craig's message, however.

"Wossat pasty-faced caah on abaht?" said Shelly Munter, 27. "My boy Grendel's a 12-year-old fuckin' Einstein, I tell yer. I mean, time 'e was nine 'e could fart all by 'isself an' everyfin', innit? 'E made me proppa prahd when 'e nicked is firce mota larce week - 'e 'otwired that Astra an' figgerd aht orl the gears an' shit orl by 'isself, dincha san? Wiv skills an' nollij like that e'll go far, I'm tellin' yer. Respeck due, me litto darlin'."

Miss Munter then went round to Grendel's school to twat a teacher who had the cheek to suggest that her grunting, potato-faced progeny might one day learn to scrawl something resembling his name, if he would only stop shagging year 9 girls for five minutes.

However, there was an indication that the problem may have been around for some years, and not exclusively confined to the underclass either, when visibly-upset delegates cornered Dr Craig after her speech and gave her a really hard time for telling them how to do their jobs when everybody in the whole world had it in for them already even though they were working so hard and doing so brilliantly at educating the cleverest generation ever to bestride the earth.

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