Wednesday, 11 March 2009

Outraged Britain Demands Curbs on Democracy After Luton Protest Against Democracy-Supporting Troops

Britain's senior officer in Basra, Major General Andy Salmon, has spoken movingly of the devastating effect on his troops' feelings by a couple of noisy placard-wavers in Luton.

"Morale here has collapsed entirely," wept the modern Major General. "My poor lads are sitting in their tents, bawling their eyes out. It just broke their little hearts to hear that one or two people in the UK aren't behind them, cheering on their unstinting efforts to bring freedom and democracy to the Iraqi people. I've texted them all and told them I'm here for them if they want to talk about it, but so far very few of them have taken up my offer of a manly hug."

Back in the UK, there was widespread public outrage that the perpetrators of the outrage have not been immediately deported back to wherever they came from - or, should they in fact turn out to be British, to be sent into exile in the Arctic Circle.

The British populace has displayed a rare unity in its condemnation of the protesters, with many calling for the immediate abolition of the centuries-old democratic freedom to make public expressions of dissent.

"It's a bloody disgrace, upsetting our boys like that," ranted one disgusted member of the public. "I reckon scum like that oughtt to be strung up without so much as a trial, or chucked into the sea at gunpoint and forced to swim to Iraq, since they love it so much. Our brave lads are dying out there in the name of democracy, you know, and anyone what don't support them without question better shut their trap and piss off - there's no place for their sort in Britain."

"I'm so angry right now, I could go out and burn down a mosque," he added. "But I'll probably calm down once I've tracked down the nearest halal restaurant and smashed a few windows."

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