The north of England was today celebrating the announcement that the Clemenceau, a 32,700-tonne death-bucket, is to be broken up and breathed in by the people of Hartlepool.
The decommissioned French aircraft carrier was built entirely of deadly asbestos in the 1950s, and has already been turned away by reputable countries which give at least some passing consideration to the welfare of the population, including India and Egypt.
However, an Environment Agency spokesman said that Britain had an enviable reputation as the world’s toxic waste dump.
“Let’s face it: compared to the amount of high-level nuclear waste being shipped here from all over the globe, this asbestos will make very little difference to the life expectancy of the average cloth-capped northerner,” he explained. “After all, the effects of radiation sickness last for generations, whereas you can’t get asbestosis from your parents.”
“Just as long as they remember to wear a filter mask every time they give their kids a hug,” he added.