Saturday, 14 February 2009

Lah-Di-Dah Welshmen Too Far Up Own Arses To Propose On Chavmobile, Complains Arriva

A bus company has hit out at the stuck-up people of Wrexham for having a modicum of taste, after nobody sank low enough to fall for their tacky marketing ploy of renting out a tarted-up bus for romantic dorks to propose on.

A spokesman for Arriva Wales said that, despite displaying "Will You Marry Me?" on its destination board and bearing choice treats from the master chocolatiers of Lidl and a bottle of best bubbly Lambrini, "not a single snooty Welsh ponce" had come forward with the cash to hire the 'love bus'.

"We ran the same offer in Yorkshire and found a willing mug," he fumed. "But obviously the lords and ladies of Wrexham are far too bloody high and mighty to roll up in a garishly-coloured bus and pop the question while hanging on for dear life in the baby-buggy stowage area as the driver stamps on the pedals. Well, bugger the lot of them - since they're so bleeding posh, the fares are going up on Monday."

"Next year, we'll give it a go in Swansea," he added. "They'll lap it up down there, they're not proud."

However, several prospective grooms from the city claimed that other factors had dissuaded them from declaring their undying love on a bus - for example, it didn't go anywhere near their loved ones' house, it would probably turn up late or not at all, it would swiftly fill up with freeloading coffin-dodgers using it as a day centre on wheels, and the back seats would certainly be infested by shouty teenage chavs whose vocabulary consisted mainly of the word 'fuck'.

"I can get all that down the pub, can't I?" commented one amorously-inclined Wrexhamite. "Which is where I'll be proposing to Sharon tonight, after about ten pints of SA."

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