Little Bobby Slow, the Assistant Commissioner heading the probe into the Metropolitan Police raid on Tory MP Damian Green's Commons office, is reported to have dried his eyes and climbed out from the drain in which he was hiding from the Conservative Party.
On Sunday, Mr Slow dramatically burst into tears and ran away from home, claiming that the "spiteful" Conservatives and "their press friends" were intimidating him.
After an extensive operation in which community support officers in the neighbourhood used loudhailers to shout, "It's all right Bobby, the nasty Tories have gone now, come and have a cuddle from DCI Savage," Assistant Commissioner Slow finally emerged timidly from his hiding place this morning, streaked with tears and covered in shite, and asked for his favourite teddy.
"I'm ever so sorry for all the trouble I've caused," he said later. "Mummy says I was very silly to think that the horrid Mail on Sunday was in any way connected with the nice people at the Conservative Party."
Little Bobby added that he was hoping to pick up the threads of his totally impartial investigation into whether his best friends in the Met Gang were in any way biased when they burst into the House of Commons without a warrant and arrested a Conservative MP for doing his job. But before that, his relieved family said, they would be taking him to McDonalds for a special treat - although Mr Slow told reporters he hoped he wouldn't meet Ronald McDonald.
"The scary clown man came over to our table on my birthday," he explained. "I didn't like him and I weed in my pants."
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