Friday 26 December 2008

Alternative Speech Condemned

The British government has led widespread criticism of the controversial decision by TV executives to broadcast an alternative Christmas speech by one of the most feared and hated enemies of mankind the world has ever known.
Horror-struck viewers across the UK cowered behind their sofas as the living embodiment of evil filled their screens on Christmas Day and preached its twisted message to the nation.
"Hello, good people of Britain! Peace and goodwill to each and every one of you!" boomed the Cyber King. "You know, I sometimes wonder if the world wouldn't be a nicer place if people and governments gave a bit more thought to the teachings of Jesus. Merry Christmas, everybody!"
Politicians, religious organisations and human rights groups were swift to condemn TV bosses for giving airtime to the Cyber King, pointing out that the alien monster was well-known for its views on forcibly converting the world into Cybermen, and had a policy of ruthlessly deleting unbelievers in its home universe.
Channel 1 defended its decision to broadcast the message, saying: "As the leader of one of the most powerful armies of emotionless cybernetic killers in the Void, the Cyber King's views are enormously influential. As we approach a critical time in interdimensional relations, we are offering our viewers an insight into an alternative world view of an alternative world." 
Critics remained steadfastly unmoved by the argument, however.
"Who will deliver next year's Christmas message?" demanded Labour MP Louise Ellman. "Davros? Or the Master?"
Millions of traumatised viewers sought instead to pick up some crumbs of comfort from the Queen's traditional Christmas message - in which the monarch expressed her heartfelt concerns for the welfare of her subjects in Britain and throughout the Commonwealth, in the difficult times of economic uncertainty that lie ahead.
"I'm all right, Jack," she told her loyal supporters as she sat in one of her palaces, surrounded by the trappings of unimaginable wealth. "But mate, you're fucked."

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