Delighted City accountants say that all their Christmases have come at once, as Father Christmas struggles to stuff their bulging stockings with bankrupt high-street chains.
"Thank you, Santa, for this wonderful Whittards of Chelsea tea-and-coffee set," said an excited Ernst & Young. "I've always wanted to see a huge wad of cash poured into my mug by a rich private equity firm. And thank you for all the brilliant CDs, DVDs and games that came with my lovely new Zavvi. I'm probably going to play with that for a week or two, before flogging it off to some greedy investors."
"deer santa you carnt immagen how hapie i wus toe reseev my nis orficers club outfitt," wrote little PriceWaterhouse, in a moving 'thank-you' letter. "it wuz juss wot i wantd and i hav oreddy sowed it on four a grait big stak of shinie coins. i am reelie looken forwod toe 20009."
The lucky little accountants were solemnly reminded to spare a thought those less fortunate than themselves at Christmas time, however. Unlucky Deloitte, for example, were only given cast-off Woolies and a broken Entertainment UK centre from the scrapheap - while poor MCR have received nothing at all for their unwanted MFI home construction set.
The misery of the financial have-nots failed to burden the excited accountants' minds for long, however, as they eagerly tucked into a splendid Christmas dinner feast of Bollinger at Quaglino's.
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