Thursday, 4 September 2008

Fuckwit Wastes Fortune on Dead Stoner's Old Rubbish

Some American fuckwit with more money than sense has wasted £280,000 for the knackered remains of a guitar wrecked by a junkie forty years ago.

The once-valuable Fender Stratocaster was set ablaze by stoked LSD-addict Jimi Hendrix in a pathetic onstage effort to distract his pothead fans from his shoddy, tedious performance at the London Astoria in 1967. The delusional would-be entertainer - who was too addled by chemicals to even spell his own name - eventually achieved fleeting notoriety high three years later by drowning in his own vomit while off his face on drugs.

At the car boot auction, the rich fuckwit buyer held up a bin-bag containing the blackened wreckage of the guitar, grabbed an old lady looking at china knick-knacks and shouted, “I spent more on this garbage than you’ll ever see in the rest of your miserable life, you smelly old bag. I am going to play it, I hope some of it rubs off on me. What’s left of the lacquer’s peeling badly for a start, in fact I’ll probably be shaking most of it out of the bag when I get home.”

As the fuckwit gloated over his useless piece of junk, another obscenely wealthy fool at the same chav-meet parted with an eye-watering £32,000 for a bit of firewood with some unintelligible twaddle carved into it by another obscure space-cadet waster, the woefully-untalented John Lennon.

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