Tuesday, 2 September 2008

Branson Unveils Plan to Bugger Up Airport

Richard Branson has expressed an interest in Gatwick Airport, in the event that the Competition Commission orders Spanish-owned BAA to reduce the number of airports it operates.

The Virgin Atlantic supremo told the media that he was looking to form a consortium.

“I’m very keen on buying Gatwick,” said the bearded tycoon, “But only with somebody else’s money.”

“Well, let’s all hope he doesn’t cock it up this time,” said the Nev Filter’s resident business expert. “After the trains, the cola and the vodka, any credibility he might once have had must be wearing pretty thin by now. I mean, he’s been dining out on signing the Sex Pistols for thirty-odd years now. Have you watched Virgin One lately? I rest my case. Branson is about as cutting-edge as a beige tank-top.”

Transport industry insiders say that, if the plan comes to fruition, Branson will no doubt pull some typically tiresome publicity stunt - perhaps with his toy spaceship, or maybe with some kind of pretend Zeppelin - and will probably re-brand the busy international gateway as ‘Spaceport: Earth’, or something equally daft.

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