Recently-declassified documents from the mid-1950s reveal the fears of nuclear defence planners that the traumatised, irradiated survivors of a massive atomic strike on the UK would face a terrible shortage of tea.
A memo from the period states that “The tea position would be very serious, with a loss of 75 percent of stocks and substantial delays in imports, and with no system of rationing it would be wrong to consider that even one ounce per head per week could be ensured."
Embarrassed government officials refused to say whether the situation had improved fifty years on, raising fears that Britain could be reduced to a state of feral anarchy if terrorists were to strike at the nation’s tea distribution network. However, the Home Office temp on Bank Holiday phone cover said, “More people drink coffee nowadays, don’t they? Don’t you journalists have anything more important to report?”
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