Oh, My Poor Joints

Home Secretary Jacqui Smith is set to ignore the recommendation of the government’s own advisors and reclassify cannabis into Class B.

The Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs had argued that the popular recreational drug should remain in Class C, where users are rarely arrested for possession. However, Prime Minister Gordon Brown is understood to be worried about the “more lethal” effects of the stronger form, skunk.

Members of the government’s advisory council were said to be disappointed by the PM’s stance.

“Gordon should, like, just chill, right?” said one member who spoke out under conditions of anonymity, i.e. he couldn’t remember his name. “We’ve all been misusing drugs for years, for research purposes, like, y’understand? He reckons cannabis is lethal, I mean where’s he coming from man? Where’s he get that idea from? I mean, where? What was I saying? Er… Did y’see him on the Andrew Marr Show the other day, cool as f-, whoops, like sorry man, broadcasting rules an’ all that, yeah, sorry ‘bout that. Everyone was expecting him to be a gibbering wreck after the election results, but there he was, calm as you like - and why? ‘Cos we slipped some weed into his porridge, that’s why. Apparently he just completely slid off his chair five seconds after the interview ended, he was like totally blissed, man. Respect, yeah?”