Britons are still celebrating today, after winning the Eurovision Unpopularity Contest at the weekend.
The contest, in which Andy Abraham irritated an entire continent with a song people might actually dance to, saw Britain receive 14 points from Ireland and San Marino, making it officially the most unpopular country in Europe. Russia came bottom of the list - its enormous popularity among its former satellite states partly a reflection of their fraternal love, and partly an expression of hope for an extension on their unpaid gas bills.
One of the three shepherds who comprise the population of San Marino later said he had misunderstood the voting system, as San Marino’s first telephone had only just been nailed to the tiny state’s tree.
Meanwhile, Sir Terry Wogan has hinted that the contest - hosted by warm, friendly Serbs in the spirit of friendship, peace and co-operation that has made them so popular with the neighbours they haven’t massacred – may be the last he hosts.
“You have to say this is no longer a music contest,” Sir Wogan revealed to a shocked public. “It’s all about these sneaky, underhand Eastern Europeans voting for their next door neighbours - totally unlike Britain and Ireland of course, who only always give each other high marks out of a genuine respect for real musical talent.”
Sir Wogan then asked if somebody would be so kind as to return his rattle - which had unaccountably fallen out of his commentary pram - adding: “I have to decide whether I want to do this again. Serious changes will have to be made - especially to the size of my cheque. Hic.”
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