Gordon Brown Was Victim of 'Unhappy Slapping'

Gordon Brown may be the victim of a so-called ‘unhappy slapping’, according to reports.

The battered Prime Minister was found hiding in a bush on Sunday. Several backbench Labour MPs are now under investigation by party whips after they queued up in front of cameras to repeatedly slap the hapless PM in the face with fuel duty, the 10p tax rate, rising food prices, failing to stand up to China, the Northern Rock bail-out and a huge list of other failings.

Mr Brown appeared on video footage, trying to plead that he was a victim of a global financial crisis - but his attackers merely slapped him again, saying that his media presentation skills were so abysmal that people wouldn’t believe him if he said the sea was quite damp.

“We’re unhappy, so we’re slapping Gordon, right?” said one of his attackers. “We’re stuck in dead-end jobs, with no prospects of retaining our seats at the next general election no matter what we do. We ain’t got no respect for the rules of society, ‘cos society ain’t got no respect for us. So you can’t blame us for kicking poor old Gordon out of sheer frustration. Our old man Tony kicked the miserable git for eleven years, it’s how we was brought up, innit? Hansard! Respect.”