Health Secretary Alan Johnson has welcomed Scottish plans to ban the open display of cigarette packets in shops.
“Smokers are notoriously stupid,” he said, “And if they actually can’t see any fags on display, it’ll never occur to them to ask. They’ll just think that cigarettes have become extinct or something, and voila! Everyone gives up. Vote Labour.”
Retailers are less keen on moving cigarettes under the counter, however, pointing out that, in order to contain the range of brands on sale, the counter will have to be about nine feet high.
“Let’s hope they never get a bee in their bonnet about alcohol sales,” said a spokesman for the leading supermarkets, “Or we’re going to need skyscrapers.”
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