Thursday 1 March 2012

U-Turn On Non-Existent Sanctions To Topple Government

Turns out it wasn't such a bad idea after all
David Cameron’s coalition government is balanced precariously on the brink of collapse today after being forced into an humiliating U-turn - announcing the abolition of work-experience sanctions which, it insisted, never existed in the first place.

“Due entirely to a miserable little non-campaign by a tiny number of diehard Stalinists, I am pleased to announce that dolescum who are warmly recommended by the Jobcentre to report to the nearest supermarket, if they know what’s good for them, for a two-month crash course in placing jam in neat little rows will no longer face the imaginary threat of losing their benefits should they fail to be absolutely delighted by the CV-enhancing skillset which they are acquiring,” mumbled employment minister Chris Grayling yesterday, as floods of Britain’s biggest employers swiftly dropped the scheme like a live rattlesnake.

Leading political commentators agree that the government has been fatally weakened by its craven abolition of the non-existent penalty, and are confidently predicting a vote of no confidence in the coalition - forcing an emasculated David Cameron to call a snap election which will see the Socialist Workers’ Party swept into everlasting power on a tidal wave of proletarian enthusiasm.

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