Horsegate: Cameron Resigns

You did this, Cameron, you bastard

David Cameron has sensationally resigned in disgrace after it emerged that, a couple of years ago, he rode a horse.

“I am ashamed to say that, in my innocent eagerness to climb into the saddle and go for a ride with my lovely friend Rebekah Brooks, I utterly neglected to carry out the most perfunctory check on whether the horse belonged to the Metropolitan Police,” confessed the ashen-faced prime minister at a press conference. “I make no excuses for this despicable act and can only hope that, in time, history will forget that I ever existed.”

Mr Cameron then tried to shoot himself to atone for his sins but, before he could pull the trigger, sharp-eyed hacks warned him that the gun he had placed in his mouth bore markings suggesting that it was in fact the property of CO19, the Met’s specialist firearms unit.